Whatever You Focus On Grows

Have you ever gone to a gathering with old friends or family and started reminiscing about shared experiences from a long time ago only to find out they don’t remember it the way you do or maybe not even at all? It’s not uncommon. In fact it’s rare that people remember things exactly the same way. That’s because there is the event that happens and then there is our understanding of the event. It gets filtered through our own perspectives, experiences and beliefs. Then, the more time that passes, whenever we remember it and share the story with others, it’s with the added layer of our own interpretation.

My husband and I have been together for twenty years. During that time, I have heard many childhood stories about what it was like for him to grow up on the Prairies. Each story was filled with colorful events and characters. This year, through social media, he reconnected with his best friend from grade school who he hadn’t seen in 45 years. They made a plan to get together and as they started to share those memories, his friend would say “That’s not how I remember it.” It was so interesting to hear the same stories with a different perspective.

Whatever we focus on in our mind, grows. If we focus on the problem, the problem gets bigger but if we focus on the solution, the solution grows in our mind and our whole perspective can change. The way we tell others about what has happened will depend what we have focused on and the assumptions we make. Stopping and making the decision to focus on our day, our relationships, our work, our challenges differently can have a transformative effect on how we respond to them. Taking that moment to pause and change our focus can help us to respond instead of react.

Have a look at Brene’s video on Blame. See how her perspective on what happened effected her focus and ultimately how she reacted to the situation. How could she have chosen differently to view what happened? Is there a situation in your life that you can think of shifting your focus? Experiment with it and see what happens.